Lately, I feel idle. I loathe the feeling. All my adult life I've craved a sense of purpose; a sense that I'm making some measurable degree of progress towards realizing my ultimate potential - whatever that may be. It's said that a shark must keep moving to avoid drowning. It's a peculiar parallel when I think about it. A shark is the top of the food chain in its world and yet the very element that gives it life can end that life, simply due to of a lack of progression. More than anyone I know, I'm in charge of my life - at the top of my own food chain so to speak. And yet like the shark, the seemingly simple act of resting can drag my spirit into a steep downward spiral. If I'm not on the move, I get the feeling I'm drowning in a sea of mediocrity.
I've privately struggled with this for years and I've been searching my mind to put into words exactly what I feel. The closest I've come to resolving these thoughts is the summation that deep down, I have this subconscious fear that the man I ultimately become will face the man I could have been. I can't think of a more terrifying prospect.
